Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sorry for the lack of entries. It's been a crazy week--my sister had surgery earlier this week, and I just haven't been much in the mood to write. My diet is going pretty well, but in this heat, I haven't been as good about exercising. I found a "Biggest Loser" video at Best Buy that seems to be working well, though. I especially like it because it shows one person doing a modified version for the things that maybe I'm not quite up to doing at this point. Between walking, using the video, and going t the gym, I think I should have a good "no excuses" combination of ways to exercise.

The support I've been getting has been amazing. I was especially touched when my friend Jana gave me a wall hanging. It quotes 1 Corinthians 10:31, which says, "So whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I think this scripture really says it all. More than doing this for myself, I need to do this for the glory of God--to be the best servant I can be for Him. If I'm not healthy, I can't serve him to the best of my ability. This emphasizes to me that this needs to be a time in my life when I reflect on the blessings in my life and make this life change for His glory.

I've hung the wall hanging in the kitchen/family room near my computer. I thought that would be an especially good place for it, because my most likely time to snack is in the evenings when I'm messing around on the computer. Jana is one of my dearest friends. I thought this was such a kind, thoughtful, and appropriate gift, and her support (and that of her family) means a lot to me.

So, the life change adventure continues. I'd appreciate your prayers.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The scenic route (on unleaded fuel)

After completing this entry, I felt like I should add something at the beginning here. I had no idea when I sat down to write this blog that it would go where it went. As I started to write, I started to--*gasp*--think. You'll see what I mean. If you are only interested in how the diet itself is coming, just read the first few paragraphs, then run!

I'm sure not doing a very good job of keeping up with this blog, but I am working very hard at my diet. I've been eating out a lot, but I've really been trying to be good. One victory in particular was going to Steak 'n Shake, where I ordered the salad with grilled chicken. The burgers and fries weren't even a temptation, which is very rare for me.

I'm also happy to report that my snacks lately have been limited to the supply of bing cherries I bought the other day. I also found some Thomas bagel thins that I like a lot. Way too often, I choose to bring Reese's peanut butter cups, etc., to work instead of healthy snacks. I see that I absolutely can't go to the grocery store when I'm hungry. If I can avoid temptation there, then it's not constantly staring me in the face. We have a vending machine down the hall, but I think I'm too cheap to pay vending machine prices for chips or candy. I'm always looking for a bargain, and I have to reset my brain to realize that the "bargain" isn't just in the dollars spent on an item. It also needs to be a bargain in terms of health. This sounds so basic, and I've known it all along, but I haven't deep-down BELIEVED it before, if you know what I mean.

I need to get to this point in restaurants, too. I just have such a hard time paying $8, $9, $10 or more for a salad. At Steak 'n Shake, I had a coupon to get the salad for $4.99, so that worked perfectly. But usually, that's not the case. I look at getting a big salad with the meat, etc. on top vs. an entree that comes with a salad, and I go for the entree every time. It seems like a better deal to me, and I'm getting a salad, to boot. Maybe that's OK. I don't know. What I do know is that I need to stop looking at the prices on the menu and concentrate on what sounds good, both taste-wise and health-wise. Again, simple. But, it isn't for a woman who has struggled with weight her entire life.

I'm sure that people who have never had the struggle I have can't understand why I haven't just made up my mind to lose weight and do it before. It's not a matter of not wanting to do it, because I have wanted it very badly in the past. I think it's a matter of getting past food being more than what it's meant to be. It's fuel for our bodies. But, let's face it, the "leaded" fuel is often a temptation, at least for me. The funny thing is, I like the "unleaded" fuel--the fruits, the vegetables, etc. And when I buy cherries or bananas and baby carrots, they're just as easy as candies or other temptations. This is going to sound weird, but sometimes, I think I've subconsciously thought that I don't deserve to be thinner and more attractive.

OK, here's where you may want to run...

Even though my parents never made me feel this way...it's something that I did to myself...I've always felt that I'm the sister who's the heavy, ugly one. I even felt that way when I lost a bunch of weight in high school. I guess instead of becoming anorexic or something, I did the opposite. I don't have any idea why I did that. The three of us have never competed with each other in that way. And when I got married, I never thought a thing of it that my husband never paid me a compliment about my appearance. I just figured I didn't deserve it. I'm the total antithesis of being vain. It hasn't bothered me in the least that people might think that I'm a fat, ugly woman because even when I was thinner, that's how I viewed myself, too. What WOULD bother me is if they didn't like me as a person--if they didn't think I was nice. I enjoy doing things for people and making them feel special and important, because they ARE special and important to me. That's where I see my identity, and I like that role. It comes naturally for me, and it's genuine.

Now I'm ready to expand that identity. I want to first do this for myself, and second do this for others. Once I get this all figured out, I want to motivate people and help them see that if I can overcome whatever twisted thoughts I've had about myself and make myself better, then they can, too. Whether it's losing weight, getting into the habit of exercising, stopping smoking or drinking, whatever their goal, I want people to see it's possible.

You know that question about where do you see yourself in five years? I happened to see that question recently, and I realized that if I were asked that, I wouldn't have an answer. Now I do. I've felt like I've been run down in a lot of different ways in recent years. Now that I've started to pick myself up on an inner level, I know this will translate in many other ways, too.

For way too long, no matter how much I've wanted to be better to myself, I haven't been able to do it. That's no longer going to be the case. I know it's a long road ahead, but hopefully, I still have a long journey ahead of me called life. I might as well live it to the fullest. I can't do that if I continue on the road I've been on; it's time to take a detour. The scenic route. The one that will bring me many years of health and happiness.

Wow, I can't believe how today's entry has evolved. It really got me thinking, and I apologize if this has seemed like a long stream of consciousness. Part of me wants to delete this entry because I feel like I'm revealing too much of myself here. But, discovering myself is part of this journey. And hoping that you can identify with me and join me in this journey, even if you have a different goal, will make the adventure so much more enjoyable.

Monday, June 7, 2010

How many calories are in a bug?

The only thing I ate today that I really didn't intend to was a bug that flew in my mouth when I was out for a walk. I am so excited that I'm not tempted by unhealthy snacking at work, one of my major downfalls. I've loaded up my snack supply with bananas and other healthy foods and steered clear from those Reese's peanut butter cups that are my downfall.
I went to lunch with one friend and dinner with another, but I was pleased with my choices and feel like I'm right on track. I'm finding that Yoplait Red Velvet Cake light yogurt is going to be my guilt-free "go gurl" treat. Add in the evening walk, and I feel very content with how I'm doing.
Yesterday, I went to a bridal shower, and I decided ahead of time that I'm going to tackle my weight loss in a realistic way. I didn't know what would be served, other than cake, of course, but I decided that didn't matter. I just told myself to enjoy whatever was served, in moderation. I ate a piece of cake, sans the frosting. Best of all, I passed up the chips and dip served during lunch, chose unsweetened iced tea instead of lemonade, and loaded up on the broccoli in the broccoli salad that was served. I was pleased with my choices and didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything.
Tomorrow's plan is to go to the gym right after work and of course, keep on track with my eating. (That's part of my habit-forming agenda...make exercise part of my "official" plans. Then it's a priority, and I WILL do it!)

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Sharing a high-five

Sorry I haven't made an entry here in about a week, but I'm doing great with my diet and exercise. Remember when I said I weighed myself that night at the gym? Well, yesterday, I weighed myself in the morning instead of night, and with no shoes on. But I weighed in 10 pounds lighter!!! I was so excited. When I told Matt, my personal trainer, during our workout earlier today, I got excited all over again. He immediately gave me a high five and was so happy. It was great to see someone else that excited about my weight loss.

Matt has kept me in this for the past year, even when I wasn't too motivated. I especially struggled because I was getting winded easily after I had pneumonia last fall. After some tests and some scares, things are OK. I just needed to work my way back, and Matt's been very encouraging along the way.

I've known all along that no matter what, though, it is up to me to find that inner strength that puts me on track for a healthier lifestyle. I've started diets many times before, but this time is different. I haven't been doing this all that long, but in the past, I would have been tempted by something by now. Also, I'd be finding a million reasons why I couldn't exercise. Not enough time, it's too late, etc. I'm so happy that this time, I WANT to exercise.

Christine, a friend at work, sent me a link to one of her favorite blogs. It was about habits, and how we focus on bad habits, but we have good habits, too. The blogger talked about how, if we just make something like exercise part of our schedule, pretty soon, we're doing it without even thinking about it. It just becomes part of our daily routine. That's my goal, to just make exercise a regular part of my life. I have to carve out time for it, and then embrace and enjoy it.

I really do like the way I feel after working out or taking a walk. I feel a sense of accomplishment, but beyond that, I feel...sort of, clean, inside. It also makes me feel more alive, even if it's at the end of the day and I'm exhausted. I still feel, I don't know, satisfied. I don't know quite how to explain it.

I want to thank those of you who have said something encouraging in person or wrote something to me in Facebook or email. This means more to me than you can guess, just knowing that you're wishing me well. Yes, I need to find that motivation deep inside, but those of you who know me also know that I'm a very social person. Having friends cheering me along the way really helps. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Ome, another co-worker. Ome recently lost weight herself, and she looks beautiful. She has stopped by my office every day and has offered helpful tips and encouragement--and has been pushing me to blog more. She mentioned following a weight loss program she found on womenshealthmag.com. It has a grocery list for the week, recipes, and a workout plan. I've poked around the site a little bit but haven't got to look at it like I want. I'll definitely be looking into it further.

In the meantime, I'm planning head for dinner tonight. We're going to Avanti's, and the bread there is a downfall of mine. I've made up my mind: one slice of bread with my salad, no more. Wish me well!