Listening for the whispers

I saw something about "peace" today that I really liked: "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and still feel calm in your heart."

I think this is true in so many aspects of life. It's certainly true in our spiritual journeys. I guess that's the one thing about this past year. I really felt that God was pushing me in a direction I never thought I'd be taking, but through it all, His voice came through loud and clear. When I started doing what He wanted me to do, the sleepless nights stopped, and I had so many whispers from Him that I was doing what He wanted me to do. Yes, there was noise, but there also was this incredible sense of calm.

Now, applying this to my weight loss: OK, so I just got back on to this on Monday, but let me say, I do find that when I'm tempted to absentmindedly reach for something to nibble on, I stop and think, "Now, am I really hungry? Is this what God wants me to do?" And all of a sudden, when I ask for God to step in, He does and somehow I have the strength to resist whatever I was tempted to eat. He helps me realize it's only an hour or so until lunchtime or that my reason for reaching for something to eat has nothing to do with real hunger. I only need to listen for His whispers, His encouragement.

It's only been a few days, but in the past, I have tended not to ask for God's help. I think this isn't a big enough issue for God, that He has better things to tackle than me and my weight problem. But then, I think about being a child of God and that He can count each and every hair on my head. I realize God has a plan for me that I'm not going to be physically able to carry out if I don't let Him help me. This is a partnership, and God's in here, tackling all the big issues and problems of the world, and also having time to help me.

He's that big!

I already knew this and believed it, but I hadn't let myself really fully comprehend it. I have always felt God's presence and love but I have had a hard time allowing myself to pray for myself like this.
Wow, what calm this brings to my heart!

What do you think of my shiny armor?

So, as I said in my last blog, one of the words I'm focusing on in 2012 is "peace." I'm going to read about it, write about it, and work at regaining peace in my life. Last year, I found myself at a crossroads I never thought would happen in my spiritual journey. My faith in God has not faltered at all in this struggle, but I have been hurt by people I thought were my friends in faith.

This past year, I've taken steps to regain that peace that comes that comes from concentrating on my relationship with God, and I have felt His presence and direction every step of the way. Now I feel He wants me to focus on "peace" and feel fully restored once more.

At some point last year, I started following Lysa TerKeurst on Facebook and subscribed to her blog. Her words today really spoke to me. On Facebook, she posted this:

Have you ever struggled with letting a circumstance that came your way recently, suddenly define you? This seems to be a lesson God lets me live over and over. He wants to be my only definition of who I am. I am a child of God, holy and dearly loved. I know this. I teach this. I believe this in the very depths of my soul. Yet, it is so easy for me to slip into redefining myself when situations arise. When hard times come and beat against our stability, we must be determined to hear God’s words and put them into practice. Then nothing can topple our peace, security, or true identity.
I'm not sure who else needed to hear that--- but I know I certainly did.

I, for one, needed that reminder. If we just remember that the only identity that matters is that we are children of God and that we are loved so dearly and fully, then we can put on the full armor of God and repel any hurt, any catty remarks, any gossip, any anything! Like Lysa, I know this and I believe it with every ounce of my being, but because I'm human, I sometimes let those everyday human things put some chinks in my armor.

Today, though, my armor is shiny and like new. (And maybe, if I get everything sorted through, I'll need my armor to be a smaller size. ;-)

Looking ahead at 2012

It's been a few months since I've posted a blog, but I've been giving some serious thought to improving myself lately and for me, writing about it keeps me focused. So, here we go!

In the December issue of "Guideposts," author Debbie Macomber talks about how she chooses one word to focus on each year. Then, she reads Scripture, journals about it, etc. I was inspired by that and thought I wanted to do that for 2012. She talks about how one word usually chooses itself. She sees it repeatedly or it is prominent in her heart...something.

Two words have emerged for me: peace and discipline. I will talk about these words more in upcoming blogs, but when I think of things I could do to improve myself, my health, and my spiritual journey, these are areas I need to focus upon.

Weight loss continues to be a struggle for me. I lost weight earlier this year, but ended the year probably close to where I started--I haven't gotten on the scales for a couple of months. Clearly, self-discipline is an issue for me. And my spiritual journey has found me seeking renewed inner peace. Step by step, bit by bit, I'll talk about these things. For tonight, though, I wish you a very happy and blessed 2012, and may all your resolutions come true!

Working out

Made to Crave

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted a blog on here. My diet has been on my mind but not in my heart for the last month. It's been a very busy time, and first the exercise lagged, and eventually, the diet did, too. I have been meeting once a week with two co-workers, Danise and Jenny. We started the year trying to follow the Daniel Plan, a weight loss program offered through Rick Warren's Saddleback Church. You could join online for free, and we thought this might be a good way to get focused. We found, though, that while this might be a good supplement if you were already in a group at the church, it really wasn't working for us.

A friend of mine knew how hard I've been trying to lose weight and has occasionally sent me Proverbs 31 devotions when they were written by Lysa TerKeurst, who has written "Made to Crave." I forwarded these to Danise and Jenny, and when investigating further, we found there is a six-week Bible study and a book available. We decided we'd each order our own copies so we don't have to try to share a DVD--it's not all that expensive through Amazon.

The goal was for us to watch the DVD and meet tomorrow to discuss it. I finally got to watch the DVD tonight, and I am already quite inspired. On the video, Lynn talks about how this is not a "how to" weight loss program, but a "want to" program. She compared those of us who desire food with the rich man in Matthew 19:16-26 with did not want to give up his wealth for Jesus.

Lynn says something that I could relate to: that when she peeked into the depths of her soul, she realized the one thing she depended on was food before Jesus. Wow. A harsh reality. Too often I turn to food when I'm nervous, upset, bored, etc. I think I deserve to indulge when life throws me a curve, or when I want to celebrate, but what I really deserve rather than food, is to turn to Jesus.

I realized as I started to fill out the participant's guide that food is weighing me down spiritually. I think because you can physically see, taste, feel food, and there is immediate gratification in eating it, I turn to it first. Not that I don't turn to Jesus. Don't get me wrong. He is the center of my life.

If anything, sometimes I feel like it's not right of me to pray for Jesus' help as I struggle with my weight--that I'm not significant enough, or that at least my struggle with weight isn't significant enough. But my eyes were opened tonight.

The food is what I can physically see. But the bottom line is that the food is getting in the way when I let it comfort me instead of Jesus comforting me.

In the video, Lynn said that we will have a word to focus on each week. This week's word is "empowered." It comes down to making healthy choices because we want to make them. So, on with the "want to" diet.

I pray that this study will help me grow in my relationship with God as I slim down!

On track

I just wanted to check in and say that tracking what I'm eating seems to really help me focus. I'm also noticing when I feel full, when I want to eat just because I want to eat something, and when I am hungry. I got on the scales this morning and had lost some. Now I just want to make sure the weight loss continues.

I'm going to go to a Mexican restaurant tonight, which is my favorite kind of food. I want to stay on track, so I Googled around to find out what would be the best choices there. When I'm dieting, I tend to go for chicken fajitas, but I wanted to see what other entrees might be good. Arroz con pollo also is considered a good choice--I might try that tonight; it's one of my son's favorites and it always looks good, but I never get it for some reason.

One of the things I saw was that chicken with mole sauce also is a good choice. I've never tried mole sauce, as many times as I've gone Mexican. I guess there are so many great foods that I know about that I tend to back away from the unknown. I may branch out and try that sometime.

But not tonight.

I also read that one person suggests asking for a soft taco shell instead of the chips, then puts salsa on it and wraps it up. Really, though, I looked up tortilla chips on my Weight Watchers' e-tools and found that 12 chips are four points (salsa is free.) I think six chips for two points might be the trick--just enough to feel like I got to indulge without going overboard.

Another hint was to request pinto beans instead of refried beans. Black beans are even better, but I don't think you can always get them out. I knew refried beans can't be that good for me, but I never had thought about asking for pinto beans.

Oh, another thing: always order soft tacos rather than crunchy ones, because crunchy ones have been fried. One source suggests requesting soft corn tortillas instead of flour ones, too, but I'll have to see about that. I'm thinking that if I get the arroz con pollo, I won't even be tempted to eat any of the tortillas.

I'm finding it helps to have a plan before I go to a restaurant. Now I'm ready!

What?

Wow! I haven't blogged in more than a month? I can't believe time has passed so quickly. I had been thinking that everything was going well. I've been making good choices when going out to eat, I've been working out...I've just been avoiding the scale. It seems like if I weigh in and don't see enough of a loss, I get discouraged. So I try to not weigh in too often.

But then, I weighed in Thursday, and I had GAINED three pounds. I was so frustrated. I mean, I have been working hard at this. I have to admit, I did some emotional eating--had some pizza, some cookies, some things I shouldn't have, after that. Yesterday, I met with Matt, my personal trainer, and he doesn't get it, either. He was encouraging though, and told me to stick with it, that eventually, if I'm doing everything right, it will pay off. He seemed to be trying to figure out waht he's doing wrong, but I know it's not him. He's been great.

I thought and thought and thought about this. I'm trying to figure out what I can do differently.

Finally, I figured out something I could do. I haven't been tracking everything I eat and when I exercise, so that's my next plan of action. Maybe if I still don't lose, I can look at see where I'm going wrong. But hopefully, I'll discover if I'm doing somethign wrong along the way and fix it right away.

I can't let this get me down. If I do, another year will pass by and I'll be as heavy as ever. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of literally feeling myself slow down. I am tired of being tired. I'm tired of being fat. I want to be more active and have an overall better quality of life. I want to feel pretty. I want to feel good!

But I have to do more than want it. I have to really work at this. I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up.

That trip to Rome is still coming up this fall, and I want to be fully enjoy it!