I have had a lifelong struggle with weight. Even in the first grade, I was the chubby one in the class. In high school, I managed to lose about 40 pounds one summer. But over the years, the weight came back on. When I got a divorce eight years ago, I already was overweight. Instead of being one of those fortunate ones who loses weight during a difficult time of life, my weight shot up 50 pounds.
I've made half-hearted attempts to lose weight countless times. Last year, I learned I could hire a personal trainer at a reasonable price at the rec center at Bradley, where I work, and I thought doing that might help my motivation. My personal trainer's name is Matt, and he is great. He is pursuing his doctorate in physical therapy and is a very kind and caring person who is patient and helpful. But we only get to meet about once a week due to our schedules. Matt wishes he had time to meet with me more often, but I assure him the biggest thing is that my motivation has to come from within ME. He constantly encourages me, and I think one of the things that has really helped me is that he hasn't given up on me, even though my progress up to now has been slow.
That's where this blog comes in. Yesterday, when I was getting off work, I really didn't want to go work out at the rec center. But, despite my objections within, my determination won, and I worked out. All of a sudden, during my workout, it was like something deep inside of me was awakened, and suddenly, as I was walking around the track, I found myself thinking, "I can do this; I can do this." Over and over, I repeated that as I walked and walked (I'd already done some weights on the machines.) I wanted to stop at 5:30, but I didn't let myself. I kept at it until 6 p.m.
In the locker room, I weighed myself. Yes, it was evening and yes, I had my shoes on, but at least it's a starting point. I had to let out a big "Pffffff" when I got on the scales. The young lady (no doubt one of our students) who had weighed before me had left the scales at 102 pounds. Probably at night with her shoes on, too. I laughed it off, though. I have no aspirations of weighing 102. But, I do have aspirations. Mostly because I know it would be good for my health, but also it would be good for my self esteem. I need to do this. I need to prove to myself that I can do what I set out to do. I need that sense of accomplishment.
When I left the gym last night, I WAS proud of what I had accomplished. What might be simple routine for many people was monumental to me. I not only had worked out for an hour, but I was proud of it! No one else was there pushing me along; I did this on my own, That voice deep inside of me was louder and louder, and it told me that this time, I CAN do it!!!
I decided to start blogging about this because if I make this public, I can't just quietly stop doing this. I HAVE to keep plugging on. I struggled a bit with a name for my blog and finally decided on "Step by Step, Bit by Bit" because that's what it's going to take. Every step, every time I exercise, is important. Every bit of food I decide to put in my mouth counts. This transformation isn't going to happen overnight. I've made a commitment; now the rest is hard work and determination. I understand it's a commitment I need for the rest of my lfie.
I'm counting on you, my friends, and anyone else who might read this blog, to keep me on track--to say something if you see me slacking off. I want to be a success--I WILL be a success.
Today, when I left work, I actually was looking forward to heading to the gym. Again, I told myself, "I can do this, I can do this." And I can. Because I have that much power over my life.
If you've been thinking about losing weight, too, look deep inside yourself and ask if this might be your time, too. My first nudge came at 5 p.m. Wednesday, May 26, 2010, when I didn't come up with a flimsy excuse to go home instead of to the gym. The light came on inside me at 5:30 when for a moment, I tried to tell myself a half-hour of exercise was enough for that day.
I don't think I've ever before been able to name an exact time and place when I knew it was MY time to lose weight. Maybe that's because it finally, truly, is my time! I'll post a before picture on here soon. See you here tomorrow!
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