Keeping fear at bay

So, I have gotten on Pinterest. Dangerous thing...this could be quite addictive. I ran across an inspirational quote on there that really applies to my weight loss.
It goes something like, "Don't let your fear be bigger than your faith."
I confided in a very good friend of mine that losing weight to a normal size is a bit scary. I have been overweight my entire life, and the thing about that is I have a cocoon around me, and it really is scary shedding that cocoon.
Will people treat me differently? More specifically, will men treat me differently? I haven't been looking to meet someone, figuring if it is meant to be, it will be. And if not, that's OK, too. But if I an thinner, will more guys find me attractive? Will I be able to tell if it's the inner me they like?
I wouldn't be honest with myself if I didn't admit I am feeling some fear.
So this saying really hit home. I need to trust God that Iwill be able to handle whatever comes my way. I need to realize that dealing with that kind of stuff will be far less frightening than dealing with potential health problems.
This is an area where I need to be seeking peace. I need to buff up my faith I this area and not be afraid to reinvent my appearance for the sake of my health and for the sake of whatever God has in store for me.

Impossible?

I have been overweight since I was six years old. For those of you who have not had a lifelong weight problem, it may seem odd to have this thought, but I really can't imagine what it would be like to be a "normal" weight. I lost a good amount of weight in high school and probably appeared "normal" to everyone else, but even then, I didn't feel that way inside. As an adult, I've started diet after diet, but it's never been that I have 5 or 10 pounds to lose. As a young adult, I probably needed to lose 20 or 30...a baby, and I probably needed to lose 50...a divorce, and you can push that number to 100.
So, I've needed to lose massive amounts of weight for a very long time. I start diets with all the best intentions, and who knows how many pounds I've lost (and found) over the years. Then I get to a point where I start believing that I'm supposed to be fat. It's my destiny. It's all I've ever known. It's impossible to be thin/"normal".
But now, here I am, praying about this thing that I never thought was important enough to pray about. Praying for myself? To lose weight? Shouldn't I reserve my prayers for others, for more important issues like illnesses and difficult situations and things like that?
I've gotten past that. This IS important; this IS my health; this IS me putting God first in my life. And with God, all things are possible. I know that, I know that with all my heart.
But, have you ever had something so massive that you just get overwhelmed? I'm doing well so far with my new diet, but part of me fears that this ugly "you're meant to be fat" mantra will reappear.
Yesterday, I was reading Lysa TerKeurst's blog and again was inspired. She wrote that in every impossibility, there is a weakness. What a great attitude. I know what the impossibility is in my weight loss. Actually, I can think of several. It's the amount of weight, it's getting discouraged, it's being tempted, it's skipping exercise.
This time, though, I've found the weakness, or rather the strength. This time, every time I am tempted to eat something I shouldn't or when I want to stay in bed instead of getting up and working out, I am turning to God.
"Help me out, God," and you know what, He always does. I can't say it happens instantly. I know that He is making me rally my strength from within. He is making me ask over and over for His help. He is making me realize that the only way I can do this is with Him as my coach.
Writing this just made me picture God in a gray sweatshirt and black sweatpants with a ball cap on, a whistle in his mouth, and a smile on his face.
He is my weakness? Only in the impossibility. He is my strength, and losing the weight I need to shed is possible.
This impossible mountain ahead of me isn't impossible because I've found its weakness...AND IT'S GOING DOWN!!!

Thick and thin

I was inwardly chuckling during the church service this morning. Each week between praise songs, one of the members of the band offers a brief message--tells a small story or quotes Scripture, etc. Today, the band member was talking about being asked to reflect upon her life and as she did, she made the comment, "God is with you through thick and thin." Now, I know what she meant, but I had to laugh.
I had been having a little "discussion" with God. I got on the scales yesterday...something I don't do too often because if I haven't lost enough weight, I get discouraged. And I was discouraged. It had been two weeks since I got on the scales and I had only lost one pound. Never mind that I lost nine pounds the first week. Of course, that was a lot of weight--probably mostly water--and there had to be a "correction." But that wasn't mattering to me. I was discouraged, and as I was sitting there at church, there was a part of me that was wanting to eat something extravagant and totally not on my diet to assuage my disappointment.
Then, here came that little message, "God is with you, through thick and thin." I'm sure everyone else was thinking about how God is with them through good times and bad. But that wasn't the message God had for me this morning. This was His way of telling me that He's still here with me. Yes, I'm still "thick," but I could feel Him laughing with me as I "got" the special message He had for me. Yes, I am going to be "thin" one day because God is going to be with me every step of the way. He's here with me now when I'm thick, and He'll be here with me when I'm thin.
What joy and peace that brings, to know that God is beside me, encouraging me by using my corny sense of humor to make the point. As I found myself smiling at the joke, I felt reminded that if I had known on January 1 that three weeks later, I would be 10 pounds lighter, I would have been elated. Instead, I was feeling sorry for myself because I had only lost a pound since I had last gotten on the scale. The "thick and thin" line put things back in focus.
I have lost 10 pounds! It doesn't matter how much came off at a time, what matters is that I am losing weight and I am enjoying the overwhelming peace that comes from constantly praying for His presence and strength.
What more can I want?

Still going strong

I'm still very motivated about my weight loss. A friend and I are reading "Made to Crave" and meeting weekly to talk about our progress and our thoughts about the book. I haven't weighed myself lately, as I get discouraged if I haven't lost as much as I think I should. However, I have been doing well with eating choices. I worked out a few times this week, but would like to increase the number of times I go work out. I've also made it a point to climb stairs more.
All in all, I'm happy with my progress. Oh, and my no dessert resolution is still going strong. I really feel like disciplining myself like this and not allowing myself to eat desserts will help me in the future to control how much I eat.
I'll write more later this weekend!

David-sized faith

This morning's sermon really struck a chord with me. The pastor talked about taking down Goliath-sized problems with David-sized faith. Maybe me losing weight isn't the same level of "problem" as what others are facing, but still, I realized that I need to have David-sized faith to be successful in my weight loss journey. This is not just a 10- or 20-pound weight lost journey; I have a large amount of weight to lose, my Goliath, and the only way I am going to succeed at this is if, like David, I know that no monster is too big with God by my side.
My family went out to lunch to a steak house, and as I looked at the menu, I saw many tempting choices. But then, there was this "Health Nut" section. I'd look at the other choices, but my eyes kept going back to the "Health Nut" section. Would that have happened if I hadn't been praying for God to be at my side this time? I don't think so. I felt empowered; an empowerment I know comes from God.
Don't you have to just sit and smile when you feel God's presence like that? He is there, around us, in us, in each other, every second of every day. However, at times, His presence, His strength, His guidance seems even more apparent. I know other believers know exactly what I mean.
It's funny how my thoughts on peace intertwine so much with this weight loss journey. I'm sure it's because prayer is so much a part of it this time. I just haven't prayed much about my weight loss in the past because I didn't think it was significant enough to pray about. Now I realize it's significant because I am significant to God. He has a plan for me, and if I am to accomplish that plan, I need to be healthier, more up for the challenge. I am no longer going to allow food to be my comfort, my go-to thing when I'm bored, my big temptation. I am focusing my cravings away from food and toward God. It's a hard habit to break; yes, sometimes I want to grab a snack even when I'm not hungry. But instead, I am training myself to pray or to read a devotion...to focus on God instead.
Tonight, I think about the peace in knowing my David-sized faith is enough to overcome the biggest challenges, the biggest problems, the biggest hurts. David was far from perfect, but yet his faith was strong. God looked past David's faults and saw the pure love and faith he had for God. Doesn't that assurance put your soul at peace?

I'll take a peace

Lysa TerKeurst posted this today:

The peace that flows despite circumstances can only be found through Jesus being with us. That's why Jesus phrased it the way he did, "Peace be with you!" In other words, you can walk through anything if you realize that He is peace and He is with you.

As I start to reflect on peace, that's the message that keeps coming through to me. It doesn't matter what's happening in our lives, how hectic our schedule is, what difficulties we've had to overcome. As long as we have Jesus in our hearts, then we are at peace.

Satan wants to cause conflict and chaos in the hope that we'll get so wrapped up in the hurt, conflict, anger, whatever that we concentrate on that instead of the peace of Jesus Christ. We all have to resolve, or sometimes remove ourselves, from ugly situations that break our focus on God in whatever way works best for us. The biggest thing is that we must focus our hearts on God and Jesus, for as Lysa says, He is peace and He is with you.

Regarding my diet, I forced myself to get up early to workout yesterday. I had plans to go with friends to a Chinese buffet, different from the one I had gone to with my sisters the other day. I really watched what I was eating all day. I knew they had coconut thrimp at this buffet, one of my very favorites, and told myself I could have a little of it. The only bad thing is I went back up and had a little more. So I'm disappointed that I didn't stick with the one small serving, but other than that, I think I did well and I'm not going to kick myself over a few coconut shrimp.That's in the past, and besides, this is a lifestyle change. I have to find a way to allow myself to have treats here and there and remember moderation is the key.

I'm still going strong on the no desserts resolution. There are only two pieces left in that box of candy outside my office so surely that will be gone soon. I know they would have been gone long ago before I made this resolution. I really believe this year of no desserts is going to train me to exercise moderation, and I am very excited. I think it will make me stop and think about whether I like something enough to choose it as a rare sweet indulgence.

And you know, that gives me peace, too. It's knowing that with God, I can resist temptations here and there and focus on what He has in store for me next.

Celery or fries?

So, today my friend Abby and I went to lunch at Wing Stop. I had a buy one, get one free coupon for their combos there. While I enjoyed some boneless wings there, which aren't exactly diet food, I passed up on their AMAZING fries and opted for a side of carrot and celery sticks. So I count that as a victory. Plus, I wasn't even all that tempted by the box of candy sitting just outside my office today. I think that after resisting that incredible tray of goodies on Friday and then getting on the scales the next day to discover a 9-pound loss, I'm motivated.
Gotta say, though, that when Abby and I passed Culver's today and I saw toffee pecan was the frozen custard flavor of the day, I said, "See? Now I can't have that." But my sadness was short-lived and in reality, I wouldn't have stopped there, anyway. It just sounded good.
So, I'm thinking if I can imagine the flavor and be satisfied with that, I can do this.
Regarding my focus on peace, my friend Theresa sent me a wonderful quote the other day:

Peace is not something you wish for.
It's something you make,
Something you do,
Something you are,
And something you give away.

I really like that. I do believe that peace is something you choose. I believe that in the midst of chaos, you can have peace as long as you focus on God and His love and strength. It does become part of who you are. There are certain people in our lives who just exude peace. I'm thinking of one friend in particular. Even when she has a hectic schedule, I see peace in her. I know without a doubt, that it's the peace of God. I bet she doesn't even realize what I see in her. I think I shall tell her next time I see her! She does give peace away.

I hope I do, or will, too!

I couldn't believe my eyes!

I thought I was smiling yesterday. You should see the elation today!!!

I got on the scales today and couldn't believe my eyes. I have lost 9 pounds since Monday!!!! I actually weighed myself, got all excited and told the cat (because there was no one else here to tell), and got back on the scale to make sure I had it right.

Weight seems to pile on quickly for me. I had lost some weight before a trip to Rome a couple of months ago, but then for various reasons, I didn't workout much and ate holiday goodies, and I had gained much of it back in those two months.

But, getting weight off of me is like pulling fresh gum off a boot with all those ridges on the soles. It holds on for dear life and it seems like you can never get rid of all of it.

I have been very true to my New Year's resolutions: two flights of stairs a day and no desserts. Certainly, I am watching what I eat besides that. However, I have not been completely depriving myself. For instance, last night, a friend and I went to Pizza Hut where her daughter works, and I had a personal pan pizza and salad bar. I love Mexican food and went to Qdoba, but instead of ordering the naked queso burrito with my Craft 2 order, I went with the naked fajita burrito. Also, I went to their website and learned that pork is the leanest meat they serve, so I had it in the burrito and in the soft tacos I ordered for my second choice with this meal. I must say, the pork makes the tacos messier, but it's very good! And, like I said in yesterday's blog, I went with a muffin-like bread for the birthday treat and avoided the cookies and candy that was sitting there. Let me tell you, that was a true test of my willpower there!!!

But you know, today, looking at the scales and weighing 9 pounds lighter, those buckeyes that looked so good yesterday aren't nearly as tempting today. I think the more I resist things like that, the easier it will become. Plus, I will allow myself to have an occasional snack: some popcorn, etc., and I'm trying to stock up on snacky-type fruits and vegetables like cherry tomatoes and bananas and I'll be going to Kroger this weekend to pick up some packages of $1 blackberries, too!

Anyway, I had to share my news. Oh, and of course, I am thanking God. He is my strength, and I need Him--clearly, I haven't been able to do it on my own.

Smiling

So, right outside my office, there is a huge tray of cookies, oreo balls, buckeyes (peanut butter and chocolate are my personal favorite), and all sorts of other goodies. I have resolved to have no desserts in 2012, and wow, is this a test of my willpower! The cookies are there as birthday treats for a co-worker, and I brought in some apple bread that maybe is a fringe dessert, but I'm focusing on the bread part and had a piece. I've decided that when I get a craving for chocolate, I can have a granola bar that has chocolate in it. I just am not going to go with the decadent, super-sugary desserts. The apple bread is about the same as a muffin, right? And a muffin is a breakfast food, not dessert, right?

Right?

I know the key is moderation, and I figure if I can resist desserts for a year, then I will approach them with more moderation in the future. I'll realize I can do without them just fine, and I certainly won't eat them spur-of-the-moment. It's only January 6, and I'm already oogling those buckeyes, but you know what, this doesn't mean I'll never have food like this. And, if I can get my body to a healthier weight, I'll be around a lot longer to enjoy little nibbles here and there.

But for now, I have indulged too much in the past, and it's time to do something about it!

So I'm sitting here over my lunch hour, writing this blog and eating a Lean Cuisine and being good...and I've gotten in my two flights of stairs that is my second New Year's resolution, too.

And now, for my reflections on peace. Today, I found a quotation from Mother Teresa:
Peace begins with a smile.

What a wonderful quote to remember. I've always been a "look on the bright side," "glass is half-full, not half-empty" kind of girl. Smiling comes very naturally and easy for me, and I've noticed what a difference it can make to smile at a stranger--the waitress at a restaurant, the cashier at the store, the person walking in the opposite direction on the street. And I just naturally smile when I'm around family, friends, co-workers, etc. I do believe in approaching problems with kindness rather than blaming people or situations, to just in general give people the benefit of the doubt. Those really are ways to smile, to keep a situation peaceful rather than to escalate a situation into something ugly.

So this made me think about how I can smile at God. I think the best way to do that is to always remember to praise Him. It's easy to remember to do that when He has answered our prayers--our friend is released from the hospital, a healthy baby is born, etc. But what about when we're going through difficult times? Or what about remembering to praise God for the everyday things--a warm home, the sunshine, a sleeping baby in a stroller at the mall.

It's when we smile at all of God's blessings that we find peace. When we focus on His goodness, His generosity, His incredible love, we can't help but feel peace in our souls. And when we find God's peace, suddenly those buckeyes outside my office aren't nearly as tempting. I'm doing what God wants me to do.

And I'd like to think He's smiling right now.

Listening for the whispers

I saw something about "peace" today that I really liked: "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and still feel calm in your heart."

I think this is true in so many aspects of life. It's certainly true in our spiritual journeys. I guess that's the one thing about this past year. I really felt that God was pushing me in a direction I never thought I'd be taking, but through it all, His voice came through loud and clear. When I started doing what He wanted me to do, the sleepless nights stopped, and I had so many whispers from Him that I was doing what He wanted me to do. Yes, there was noise, but there also was this incredible sense of calm.

Now, applying this to my weight loss: OK, so I just got back on to this on Monday, but let me say, I do find that when I'm tempted to absentmindedly reach for something to nibble on, I stop and think, "Now, am I really hungry? Is this what God wants me to do?" And all of a sudden, when I ask for God to step in, He does and somehow I have the strength to resist whatever I was tempted to eat. He helps me realize it's only an hour or so until lunchtime or that my reason for reaching for something to eat has nothing to do with real hunger. I only need to listen for His whispers, His encouragement.

It's only been a few days, but in the past, I have tended not to ask for God's help. I think this isn't a big enough issue for God, that He has better things to tackle than me and my weight problem. But then, I think about being a child of God and that He can count each and every hair on my head. I realize God has a plan for me that I'm not going to be physically able to carry out if I don't let Him help me. This is a partnership, and God's in here, tackling all the big issues and problems of the world, and also having time to help me.

He's that big!

I already knew this and believed it, but I hadn't let myself really fully comprehend it. I have always felt God's presence and love but I have had a hard time allowing myself to pray for myself like this.
Wow, what calm this brings to my heart!

What do you think of my shiny armor?

So, as I said in my last blog, one of the words I'm focusing on in 2012 is "peace." I'm going to read about it, write about it, and work at regaining peace in my life. Last year, I found myself at a crossroads I never thought would happen in my spiritual journey. My faith in God has not faltered at all in this struggle, but I have been hurt by people I thought were my friends in faith.

This past year, I've taken steps to regain that peace that comes that comes from concentrating on my relationship with God, and I have felt His presence and direction every step of the way. Now I feel He wants me to focus on "peace" and feel fully restored once more.

At some point last year, I started following Lysa TerKeurst on Facebook and subscribed to her blog. Her words today really spoke to me. On Facebook, she posted this:

Have you ever struggled with letting a circumstance that came your way recently, suddenly define you? This seems to be a lesson God lets me live over and over. He wants to be my only definition of who I am. I am a child of God, holy and dearly loved. I know this. I teach this. I believe this in the very depths of my soul. Yet, it is so easy for me to slip into redefining myself when situations arise. When hard times come and beat against our stability, we must be determined to hear God’s words and put them into practice. Then nothing can topple our peace, security, or true identity.
I'm not sure who else needed to hear that--- but I know I certainly did.

I, for one, needed that reminder. If we just remember that the only identity that matters is that we are children of God and that we are loved so dearly and fully, then we can put on the full armor of God and repel any hurt, any catty remarks, any gossip, any anything! Like Lysa, I know this and I believe it with every ounce of my being, but because I'm human, I sometimes let those everyday human things put some chinks in my armor.

Today, though, my armor is shiny and like new. (And maybe, if I get everything sorted through, I'll need my armor to be a smaller size. ;-)

Looking ahead at 2012

It's been a few months since I've posted a blog, but I've been giving some serious thought to improving myself lately and for me, writing about it keeps me focused. So, here we go!

In the December issue of "Guideposts," author Debbie Macomber talks about how she chooses one word to focus on each year. Then, she reads Scripture, journals about it, etc. I was inspired by that and thought I wanted to do that for 2012. She talks about how one word usually chooses itself. She sees it repeatedly or it is prominent in her heart...something.

Two words have emerged for me: peace and discipline. I will talk about these words more in upcoming blogs, but when I think of things I could do to improve myself, my health, and my spiritual journey, these are areas I need to focus upon.

Weight loss continues to be a struggle for me. I lost weight earlier this year, but ended the year probably close to where I started--I haven't gotten on the scales for a couple of months. Clearly, self-discipline is an issue for me. And my spiritual journey has found me seeking renewed inner peace. Step by step, bit by bit, I'll talk about these things. For tonight, though, I wish you a very happy and blessed 2012, and may all your resolutions come true!